Land of the Lost

Land of the Lost– 2009

*½ Out of ****

Land of the Lost is the unholy bastard child of this years earlier cringe-fest Night at the Museum 2. It is more of the same tired, effects riddled, unfunny tripe. Just worse. While many would make the argument that Will Ferrel has lost his touch (many more would argue he never HAD a touch) he has proven to be a reliable presence this decade, and even with his lesser efforts always managed to add some spunk to the proceedings. But this adaptation of the schlocky television show from ages past is a twisted marriage of R rated rudeness, PG visuals and a plodding and often excruciating screenplay.

Aside from the effects which are by all standards just fine, the only thing I can recommend about Land of the Lost is Danny McBride playing scientist Dr Rick Marshall's (Ferrel) tour guide (that being his profession before they were transported through space and time) but even his bizarre style of humour is quashed by the atrocious writing and his lack of screen time. Disgraced years before for supporting the theory of time travel, Rick Marshall has finally perfected a device that he believes can clear his name. Urged on by a female fan named Holly (Anna Friel) they travel to a serious of caverns in the desert where Rick believes his device will work. It is here they meet with McBride’s character and they are subsequently sucked through a vortex to the land of the lost where they meet countless bizarre creatures including a ornery dinosaur, a primate named Cha-Ka and a strange race called the Sleestacks. But how to survive this strange world and return to the present?

I have been witness to a great number of films which push the boundaries of a PG rating that often enrage parents of younger children who find certain humour inappropriate. But the transitions from goofy family fare to raunch in Land of the Lost are among the most jarring I have experienced as the profaneness and rudeness of certain jokes even managed to jerk me out of my stupor to do a double take. These segments are framed by potty humour and poo gags and connected by the characters journey which is nothing more than a series of lame encounters and near escapes which never progress the plot anywhere or are even amusing for that matter. What we are left with is a movie that feels twice its actual length and becomes so utterly obnoxious by the climax that you beg for more nights at the museum.

Perhaps the most ironic thing about Land of the Lost is that it likely would have been better if the studio had purposely made the budget minute and make a full fledged goofy B movie instead of making a B movie into a blockbuster. There is also an odd divide between a film like this and for example Miss March. Both are awful, but are awful in different ways; Miss March is atrocious and Land of the Lost is misfire. In not being utterly incompetent it creates a twisted void that is not deserving of outward contempt but is almost worse as a result. It's likely unclear of what I am trying to convey so I will be blunt and simply tell you not to go see this movie. Unless you want a nap.